LIFE: THE PERFECT STORM
this blog is about my life, what I sometimes deal with, Good or bad, I enjoy every single moment. Because life is short, relax, and enjoy the ride!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
DEATH:age
My 70 year old dad has had parkinsons disease for 15 years. Dad is at the tail end of the disease, which means he is (to put it bluntly)going to die soon. This is a man who for 30 years worked three full time jobs to get us out of the projects of south boston. Who sacrificed so much so that we could live a better life. It is 1 day before christmas eve and dad is sick again and ready to go back to the hospital, a hospital that he sees about once a month. As much as the nurses love my dad, we are not anxious to go back. Every time my dad goes to the hospital, it may be his last. My fear is that I will not be there to say goodbye if it is his time to go to God. I often wonder how I will handle his death. When I think of the inevitable I well up with tears, how can I go on without the man who made me a man, who loved me as his eldest son? How can I have the will to complete my own life with a crushed spirit? Will my feelings after his death be temporary? I dread the thought of the funeral and all the bullshit that goes with death, my dad will not be here any more so shove the funeral up your ass. I face mortality thru my father. I often think-we are young, we get old quickly and have physical pain as a result, then we die. Question- why the hell are we here? It could only be to learn lessons in life 101, to love, to live, to love more. I know that it is not going to lesson the pain when my dad and my mom die, but I know as a result that there is more to this life than we think. I believe that it was Emmet Fox who said " life is counted in more than how much you have in the bank". He is correct, we run after money, sometimes hurting people in their soul to get it. In the end you can't take it with you, so was it worth it? In the end, if you die at an early age, then you wasted your time and life chasing the almighty dollar. You need to do what you have to, but do it without hurting people. My dad worked 3 jobs, but to take care of his family, and still never hurt anybody to get the money he made. I now no why the football player Pat Tillman passed up 3million dollars to play with the arizona cardinals, to go to Iraq. I thought he was crazy-but some things are more important than money. In the now, I wait for my father to pass on.........and pray I can hold it together........
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